God has been consistently tugging on my heart strings for the past few weeks and I've not had the slightest clue as to what it will be about. It's an unsettled feeling, not in a bad way, just that you know something is changing in you but you can't-quite-put-your-finger-on-it kind of way. Funny thing, it seems like it all started with my feelings over the whole Chick-fil-a debacle, and has continued because of the political discussions and tidbits that have followed and are posted all over social media websites for all to see on an almost daily basis.
People see things black and white. I'm not a black and white kind of girl. I live in a gray area, always have and always will. Personally, I found that I was getting my feelings hurt by my friends, and some family members for that matter, by some of their postings, which had no regard for their readers and their feelings, that I began to look at myself in a different way.
What are my friends thoughts when they see my Facebook posts?
Are they understanding where I'm coming from because of the fact that they know me personally, or are they coming to a conclusion on their own of what they think I mean?
Are they reading my posts and judging me in a way that I didn't mean to be because I didn't elaborate further?
Do they think I'm judging them because of their views or actions?!?! (Oh my gosh, no!)
I began to wonder, what would my heavenly Father think of me by some of the posts that I put out there, when I'm CERTAIN that he wouldn't post the same comments had he have the opportunity to do so? Am I showing Christ's love the way that I should? Being a Christian, am I the example that I need to be for Jesus? Am I bringing people closer to Christ when I appear to others as though I'm unaccepting of them or their views? Well, thankfully I'm a work in progress and God's not done with me, yet! I've started to dig deeper into who I am and learn to see and love people the way that Jesus would, regardless of how emotionally charged others around me were and how emotionally caught up I became and carelessly put my own opinions out there.
Anyway, I attended a women's event at my church a month or so ago and signed up to do a Bible study. I decided to go with a group who would be studying material from a different author than I'm familiar with, and also have the chance to hang out with my girlfriend from back in high school. The study is about Nehemiah... completely unrelated to what I've just wrote about but unbelievably related to my here and now. I'm continually in awe of how God works. It's amazing how He puts you at a place in your life where He begins His work, stirs it up and little by little adding things such as a bible study or people or even comments on Facebook and other social media sites, to continue to open your eyes and challenge you in a new way. A way that opens you up for so much more than you could have imagined. A way that allows you to see things as maybe He would. All in a way that only He can do!
I'm not saying that I shouldn't be passionate about some of the things that I've expressed these days. I feel there are important issues at hand and I take my responsibilities very seriously; however, I choose to look outside of myself into the bigger picture and realize that there are more important things to spend my time and efforts on. Jesus says we need to love our neighbors. That doesn't mean to love them only when they love me back, or have the same religious views, or have the same political views, or have the same color of skin, or sin different than I do. My passion is being driven in a different direction and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Jesus loves me... and he loves you, too!
Oh my gosh, I'm beside myself.
I'm ready Lord. Change me.
