Part 2~ Do You Really Trust Me?

There are moments in my life when I can look back and think, "Now I know why I had to go through that."  No matter how hard the lesson was, I've had the privilege to see the other side in some situations.  I want to tell you just how this story REALLY began.

I was 25 years old who had every thing I thought I wanted.  I was engaged to be married.  We had his house to move into and I had a great job that I loved.  There was just one thing.  One really BIG thing.  We weren't meant to stay together.  Before I knew it, it was all gone.  After everything I had been through, I was very down on myself, but I still had my job.  I felt so empty and lost.  All I did is wonder what was next.  I had no real financial issues and my cousin, whom I lived with, told me she and her husband were moving in with his parents and decided to build a house.  I desperately wanted to own my own piece of this world.  I too wanted a home. 

In 10 short months, one was built just for me.

I orchestrated every part of this home.  I picked the size of the lot. Where I wanted it to be.  The style of home, colors, cabinets, floor.... everything. 

I LOVED coming home.  It may have been empty because I owned NOTHING... but it was MY home.

I felt safe.

I was the Queen of my castle.  I even had a turret!

Shortly after, I decided to open up a credit line to buy furniture... so I had a place to sit.

Then I decided to get a Home Equity Line of Credit... so I could consolidate my debt.

Then I decided to buy a new Chevy Tahoe... because I had to get the ex's name off the other vehicle loan.

Then I used 2 credit cards to the max... because I couldn't afford everything.

Then I was never home... because I couldn't pay for anything.

I ended up working 5 jobs at one time to keep myself from being financially strapped.  I mean, I already WAS strapped but as long as I worked all those extra hours, I had some room to breathe.  My only rule... I will not work the entire weekend.  I HAD to keep a day off to go to my Church and I wanted to keep working with the K-5th grade kids in Sunday School every 3rd weekend.  It wasn't very long after, I had a few roommates.  Things were alright for a minute.  I was able to relax some. 

Next thing I knew, I wasn't able to get the extra rent money.  I had even bigger bills with more people in the house.  I ended up working every single moment I could because I didn't want to lose my house, it was all that I had.  I stopped working with the kids at the church because I broke my own rule.  I wasn't in church but once in a few months.  I kept crying out to God to rescue me from what I had put myself under, but what I was also praying for, was to keep it all in the long run.  I finally surrendered myself to Him and His plan.  No matter what, I would listen.

Then it happened.  I lost my house. 

I was devastated. 

What I learned from this particular lesson was that no matter how much I wanted to keep my home, God had other plans for me.  I can work myself to the bone to MAKE something happen and it may happen... but God's plan isn't always my plan.  When I finally learned to fully trust in Him, He placed me where HE wanted me and gave me a new start. 

It was a relief.  I sat in an empty rental and thought... WOW!  You DID hear me.  You DID answer my prayers.

You DO love me!!

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I finally learned how to sit still.... to listen.... to trust in Him... alone.

I had no idea how I would be tested in my new relationship with Christ...  "Do you REALLY trust me?"

Part 3~ To Move Or Not To Move