Broken Record

I know I've said this, time and time again, but today is THE day!

THE day to get up off my (studying) bum.

THE day to make use of my ($50/mo) Gym dues.

THE day to strap on my tennis shoes (that I purchased months ago for the gym) and USE them.

THE day to WORK on bettering ME!

NO MORE crap (quit trying to find alternatives to what I used to eat).

NO MORE excuses (quit telling myself I don't have the time).

NO MORE lies (by saying I'll start *tomorrow*).

I have been given the opportunity to change my ways and quit messing around.  Now, I've been VERY good in consideration to my lifestyle before my diagnosis, which, in all honesty was FILLED with wheat this and wheat that, as I was already trying to cut the weight and discomfort that I blamed on my sedentary lifestyle (do you see the never-ending circle?).

I laid in bed, slept for 3 hours, then stared at the ceiling for about another 3 before I got up.  In those 3 hours, I have devised a plan, well, many plans, but the end result is to QUIT being the current me and BEGIN what I so DESIRE!

HEALTHY, HAPPY, SEXY, and NEW!

October 2008

Confessions of an Online Student

I graduated from Buckeye Union High School (GO HAWKS!) with a 3.6 GPA.  It had never occurred to me to search for scholarships outside of athletic ones, which my senior year knee injury took away any chances of THAT happening. My parents never even spoke to me about college or how to get there once I graduated.  Why, you ask?  I have no idea.  Maybe because of the fact that at the time, no one in my family had gone to college.  I did, however, take college classes my senior year.

I have since worked hard to become something great.  I led my class academically in my EMT class and the Fire Academy, worked my BUTT off to bring my *curved* grade up to a 'B' (at a 92%) in Paramedic School and have maintained a 3.4 GPA in college (I slacked off right out of HS and it still counts on the ole record...)

Fast forward to my current nemesis... Nursing school.  Trying to maneuver my online classes are about ready to break me down and make me lose my ever lovin' mind!!

I won't even get too nit-picky as I'm just an emotional WRECK these days as I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to finish my modules (ALL of them) by the fall of this year.  It's a goal that is a hefty one, but, I believe, an absolutely doable one.

Today, while talking with academic support, I was notified of a few *unknown to me* rules, regulations, and laws that the university has.  These 'laws' have changed the course of my set goals and has this (trying to be) structured girl in a TIZZY! 

I have yet to take an exam because I am struggling to wrap my mind around exactly what they're looking for.  Sitting in a classroom, you have the opportunity to learn about your instructors, their teaching style and their hints as to what to study for.  Some instructors give you an idea of what's going to be expected of you to know for the test and others keep it a secret.  I've had both styles and have survived nicely.  I've always said that my paramedic instructor wanted people to fail the class and took pride in the fact that she had a DARN good program that "not everyone will finish".  I swear, a small island somewhere sunk into the ocean as the weight of the test papers landed on my desk at exam time.  "Either you knew it or you didn't" was her motto.  Plain and simple.

This program structure, for me, feels so foreign.  There's SO much information and I can't, for the life of me, figure out what I actually HAVE to remember! Seriously!  Do I NEED to memorize every frickin' page?  Cause it feels like I do!!  ...and by the way, HOW DO YOU DO THAT?  I really want to know because THIS GIRL WILL FINISH what she's started!!

Things I should have been told from the get-go...

"You can't request the funds (that I've already PAID for) to be released to you prior to finishing EVERY CHAPTER QUIZ"

"The funds will take at least 3 weeks to be processed and sent to you before you can register for the test"

"If you fail the exam, you have to pay an additional $300.00 to sit for it again"

"Oh, one more thing, if you fail the exam, not only do you have to pay the $300.00, you have to WAIT an additional REQUIRED 60 DAYS prior to registering for the exam again"

Uh... no pressure...

What was I thinking?!?!

My point?  I've never felt so inept in a college course before!  This SUCKS!!

It's a LOVE Story, Baby, Just Say 'YES'!

4 years ago tonight, I was out on a date with someone I had met through an online service. This guy was very nice but not at all my type (go figure). We went to dinner and then ended up at Starbucks by 6:15, but he had a meeting to be at by 7.

6:50 rolls around and I look up and see a familiar face, a long time friend of mine, who I had met at a CPR Instructor Training class 10 years prior. He waves 'hi', says a few words, gathers his drink and out the door he walked. I admit, I was sad for the missed opportunity.

My 'date' and I walked out the door and what do I see?! My friend is sitting at a table reading a book.

I let my 'date' walk me to my car (because I didn't want to be rude), where I sat and called my mom while waiting for him to drive off. Once out of sight, I hung up the phone, gathered a few bucks, walked in and ordered a drink and went to the table and asked, "would you mind some company?"


6 hours later, still at the same table, I decided it was time to go home (I had to work the next day). We had exchanged numbers and said we'd meet up again in the near future.

It was only 2 days...

The rest, as they say, is history.

What a blessing you are to me, Josh. I love you more than there are stars in the sky and fish in the sea. I couldn't have dreamed up a better friend, husband and soulmate for myself. You are my everything. I love you to the moon and back. XOXOXOXO

Psalm 37:4

For as long as I can remember, back in my early childhood, I've always dreamed of being a mother.  I wanted to love a child like no child has ever been loved.  I wanted to show them things that I never had the opportunity to see.  I wanted to give them things that I never had.

Of all the things in life we could be, the only thing I've known for certain, is that I want to be a Mommy.

For reasons unknown, it has yet become a reality in the Jones' home.  We've suffered 4 pregnancy losses, the most recent one, Valentines Day, 2013.  Heartbroken and devastated, we've tried to wrap our minds and hearts around the fact that when God wants us to have a baby, He will allow us to.

Easier said than done.  Especially when we've had the opportunity to become pregnant let alone suffer the loss.  My heart has been broken in ways that I've never known possible.  I still grieve the loss of my first pregnancy, August, 2010; my second pregnancy, October 2010; and my third pregnancy, February 2011.  I can say this, it doesn't get any easier.

A few years ago, I suffered many losses.  It was in the form of friendships and my career, and among that, a few other things.  I had no idea how I was going to get through that chapter of my life.  It was then that I spent much of my time reading about how others dealt with their pain and problems.  I found such comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone; regardless of the fact that I didn't know them, nor did they know me.  I also found comfort in writing my story.  I don’t proclaim to be good at it nor do I want to stand here and come off as though I’m looking for attention because of my struggles.  I share my story because I believe that everyone has one, and maybe one of these days, my story will encourage someone else.

God gives us our story… it’s up to us to share it and give Him the glory.

I started to document this pregnancy for me, for my future child, and my family.  I have previously refrained from this because I didn't want to look back at relive the pain that it caused.  Then this pregnancy came along.  I had hopes that it would be the first time that I would carry to full term and I wanted to be able to show my child all of the things we thought along the way.  Even though we lost this baby, I wanted to share our journey with you.  It's a short journey, we only KNEW we were pregnant for 10 days... and what a roller-coaster ride it was.  We ended up making it to 6 weeks and 4 days.  

The bottom line for me is this:  God knows what's best for me.  He knew what was best long before my first dream of being a mother.  He numbered my days and planned out how my life would go long before my very first breath.  He gave me the desire to be a mother and I believe that one day my dream will come true. ^{Until then, I trust in Him.}

Psalm 37

⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 – What a wonderful God we have-He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials.

What a Surprise!

This is Concerning 

Too Much Work

Still Holding Out for a Miracle
At a Loss for Words 

At a Loss for Words

 Today is another lab draw day.  

Last night, after digesting the news of the low numbers, I decided to look up stories of other women who had 'slow to rise' HCG levels.  I am incredibly encouraged to find MANY!  Women who said that their numbers didn't jump until the 9th week of pregnancy, who hadn't had a fetal sac or a fetus seen on ultrasound at 8 weeks, or who had been told they're miscarrying only to find out that they were in fact carrying a healthy baby!  I was searching for anything to remain positive and not get into the mindset that all is doom and gloom.  I am cautiously optimistic heading into work and having my labs drawn.  Here's to a MAJOR jump!