Psalm 37:4

For as long as I can remember, back in my early childhood, I've always dreamed of being a mother.  I wanted to love a child like no child has ever been loved.  I wanted to show them things that I never had the opportunity to see.  I wanted to give them things that I never had.

Of all the things in life we could be, the only thing I've known for certain, is that I want to be a Mommy.

For reasons unknown, it has yet become a reality in the Jones' home.  We've suffered 4 pregnancy losses, the most recent one, Valentines Day, 2013.  Heartbroken and devastated, we've tried to wrap our minds and hearts around the fact that when God wants us to have a baby, He will allow us to.

Easier said than done.  Especially when we've had the opportunity to become pregnant let alone suffer the loss.  My heart has been broken in ways that I've never known possible.  I still grieve the loss of my first pregnancy, August, 2010; my second pregnancy, October 2010; and my third pregnancy, February 2011.  I can say this, it doesn't get any easier.

A few years ago, I suffered many losses.  It was in the form of friendships and my career, and among that, a few other things.  I had no idea how I was going to get through that chapter of my life.  It was then that I spent much of my time reading about how others dealt with their pain and problems.  I found such comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone; regardless of the fact that I didn't know them, nor did they know me.  I also found comfort in writing my story.  I don’t proclaim to be good at it nor do I want to stand here and come off as though I’m looking for attention because of my struggles.  I share my story because I believe that everyone has one, and maybe one of these days, my story will encourage someone else.

God gives us our story… it’s up to us to share it and give Him the glory.

I started to document this pregnancy for me, for my future child, and my family.  I have previously refrained from this because I didn't want to look back at relive the pain that it caused.  Then this pregnancy came along.  I had hopes that it would be the first time that I would carry to full term and I wanted to be able to show my child all of the things we thought along the way.  Even though we lost this baby, I wanted to share our journey with you.  It's a short journey, we only KNEW we were pregnant for 10 days... and what a roller-coaster ride it was.  We ended up making it to 6 weeks and 4 days.  

The bottom line for me is this:  God knows what's best for me.  He knew what was best long before my first dream of being a mother.  He numbered my days and planned out how my life would go long before my very first breath.  He gave me the desire to be a mother and I believe that one day my dream will come true. ^{Until then, I trust in Him.}

Psalm 37

⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 – What a wonderful God we have-He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials.

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