At times, I felt completely alone. I wasn't.
Not only was He there guiding me every step of the way, he placed people, songs, scriptures, conversations, bible studies and other random 'messages' to play for me. Some of the messages were more subtle while others were like the proverbial 4x4 wooden plank being placed just perfectly across my backside giving me a distinct HOP in my step (if you know me at all, you know how stubborn and sometimes dense I can be!). The important thing here is that I GOT IT. I heard Him. I listened to Him. I learned to SEEK His will for my life. One of the ways I learned was by reading random blogs and posts on the internet that were incredibly profound from other hurting and lost people, and I wanted to make sure that when I had the honor to give back, and when the timing was right, I would do it. I believed that God wouldn't waste my pain. I just didn't know when He wanted me to tell my story. Afterall, it's HIS story.
I attended my church's kick off event of the women's bible studies for the fall, which was also a Women Of Faith simulcast with Sheila Walsh and Lisa Harper. I also spoke with a dear friend beforehand. This friend and I are more like a kindred spirit. I've known her since high school and looked up to her. We inadvertently walked through the pits together but separately. We talked about how when going through the pit of failure, looking at yourself and feeling incredibly shameful in them, and then looking back, being transparent when sharing our stories to help others, how God in turn uses our dirty, beat up and rugged selves and turns our stories into something more beautiful than anyone could have ever imagined. Sitting in the simulcast, It was said that "brokenness is a blessing. It is intended to transform us, remind us who our enemy is, and remind us who our Amazing God IS"! I felt it. I felt the lesson but more importantly, I felt the nudge. The same nudge that I have become acutely aware of over the years. I believe in God's timing and I know that when He wanted to use me and my story, He would let me know.
It's time.
It's time to let you all in on some of the lessons that I learned, how I learned them and why they are so important to me in who I am today. The things that I post on my social media websites are there for a reason. My life is NOTHING without Jesus and I'm here to tell you just how REAL He is to me and why I will stop at nothing to help others when there is NO ONE but you and Jesus and the wild world of the internet. My life was saved by the few who stood by me and the ways God was able to communicate to me.
My exit from the fire service was not exactly as I told people it was and I worked hard to give people an explanation without actually saying why I really left. It is here that my story picks up and where I have left it for years. It was during this time that I was at my lowest of lows, where I saw suicide as an option. Luckily for me, it was just a thought. Nothing more. I will share my story because it's time.
