~Celebrating A New Me~

Beautiful Wheat Field

Life has a way of taking twists and turns, and sometimes a complete 180*, all without our consent.  We certainly aren't any exception to that rule.

With all of the changes I've gone through over the last 7 years or so; losing my home, ending my job with the fire department (which I truly didn't want to leave) and all THAT situation involved (not lacking incredible drama, the local Sheriff Department, and a lie detector test to strengthen and state my allegations are true to my fellow "brothers"), our financial difficulties (which is a whole-nutha-story), and now enduring the final stages of my career change/nursing school endeavors, I KNEW it was inevitable that an ulcer had claimed residency in my stomach that had yet to show it's ugly face.  I've had multiple issues over the past few years, most of which I blamed it on stress, diet, soaps, age, or whatever.  It wasn't until this year that things would eventually come to the point of "I don't care how much it costs, I'm getting this checked!"  Through tear filled eyes, I told my husband that it's one of two organs: My stomach or my pancreas, and I don't know which one it is.

On October 12th (I believe), I visited with one of the GI Nurse Practitioners that I work with.  I told her all about my symptoms and issues, as best I could, in relation to the abdominal pain.  She scheduled me for an EGD with the Dr.  On October 17th, I was admitted for said procedure and spoke with my physician about my symptoms before the anesthesiologist sent me to La-la land. Afterwards, the Dr. came in the recovery area telling us that there was no ulcer and that I have a hiatal hernia, other than that I was normal looking as can be. He told us that he took a biopsy in a random area and the results would be ready in a few days.  Once he left, I felt a little defeated.  I KNOW there is something going on in that area.  I KNOW that it's not an ulcer now.  I KNOW that I have to figure this out ASAP.  What in the world could it be?  A week went by and I ran into the NP at the elevator at work while she was making rounds on patients.  She told me that my results are in and is suggestive that I have Celiac Disease.  She told me that she'd catch up with me in the ICU as she was headed that way and I was going to grab lunch. 

Celiac disease...? What the heck is celiac disease?!?!

I started to look up the info on my phone and immediately found answers to a multitude of symptoms that I've had over the years, but the one thing that I couldn't stop paying attention to was miscarriages and infertility.  Josh and I have been going through numerous tests to find out why we haven't been able to start our family. We've had some answers but we've also been told that there's 'nothing wrong' with us and to 'keep trying'.  This diagnosis lends us so many answers! 



Once I had the opportunity to talk with the NP, she told me there are many issues with false positives and false negatives and that I needed to follow up with a blood test to check for antibodies.  She set me up to get the lab drawn which I had done the following Friday.  On October 24^th, she called me at work and told me that the results were in and that My IgG and IgA antibodies came back positive, but that it’s still not a definitive diagnosis.  She said that this shows that I may be gluten intolerant and not have full blown celiac disease but to know for sure, I would have to have another blood test, a TTG antibody screen.  If this comes back positive, it means that I am genetically predisposed for celiac disease.  On November 13th, my DNA test results were called to me.  Again, it was positive.  By this time, I was already eating gluten free for 3 weeks.  I felt AMAZING!  I had no idea how bad I was feeling until I felt GOOD!!  I had energy, the edema in my hands, face and legs were noticeably gone, the pain in my side was at a minimum, the itchy skin that I had was gone, the tooth sensitivity was gone and I could use my electric tooth brush again... I could go on and on but here's the thing: My Dr. told me that "in every aspect of medicine, be it cardiology, dermatology, endocrinology, psychology... there's a place for CD."  After reviewing this list, I can see that he's right!  Out of that list, I can say that I have dealt with or deal with 73 of these symptoms.  

73!! 

 Well, long story short, my purpose in sharing is this; 

 According to The University of Chicago Celiac Disease Center, today, one in 133 Americans have celiac disease. Because celiac disease runs in families, when someone is diagnosed with celiac disease it is a good idea for other members of the family to be tested to see if they are genetically at risk. If a person is diagnosed with celiac disease, the risk of developing celiac disease is one in 22 for other members of the celiac's immediate family. If your grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin is diagnosed with celiac disease the risk is one in 39.

Celiac disease may lay dormant or it could literally bring your knees to your chest in pain.  With it being genetic, I want my ENTIRE FAMILY to know what I've found out about myself!! I don't want ANYONE to feel like they're crazy like I did, going to my Dr's office for 4 YEARS complaining of abdominal pain without anything even remotely close to a diagnosis!! 
 

Literally, One Month After Diagnosis

I have found this, this, this, and this to be helpful to my Gluten Free ventures.  Some helpful books are this, this, and this. 

~Work In Progress~

God has been consistently tugging on my heart strings for the past few weeks and I've not had the slightest clue as to what it will be about.  It's an unsettled feeling, not in a bad way, just that you know something is changing in you but you can't-quite-put-your-finger-on-it kind of way.  Funny thing, it seems like it all started with my feelings over the whole Chick-fil-a debacle, and has continued because of the political discussions and tidbits that have followed and are posted all over social media websites for all to see on an almost daily basis.

People see things black and white.  I'm not a black and white kind of girl.  I live in a gray area, always have and always will.  Personally, I found that I was getting my feelings hurt by my friends, and some family members for that matter, by some of their postings, which had no regard for their readers and their feelings, that I began to look at myself in a different way.

What are my friends thoughts when they see my Facebook posts?

Are they understanding where I'm coming from because of the fact that they know me personally, or are they coming to a conclusion on their own of what they think I mean?

Are they reading my posts and judging me in a way that I didn't mean to be because I didn't elaborate further?

Do they think I'm judging them because of their views or actions?!?!  (Oh my gosh, no!) 

I began to wonder, what would my heavenly Father think of me by some of the posts that I put out there, when I'm CERTAIN that he wouldn't post the same comments had he have the opportunity to do so?  Am I showing Christ's love the way that I should?  Being a Christian, am I the example that I need to be for Jesus?  Am I bringing people closer to Christ when I appear to others as though I'm unaccepting of them or their views?  Well, thankfully I'm a work in progress and God's not done with me, yet!  I've started to dig deeper into who I am and learn to see and love people the way that Jesus would, regardless of how emotionally charged others around me were and how emotionally caught up I became and carelessly put my own opinions out there. 

Anyway, I attended a women's event at my church a month or so ago and signed up to do a Bible study.  I decided to go with a group who would be studying material from a different author than I'm familiar with, and also have the chance to hang out with my girlfriend from back in high school.  The study is about Nehemiah... completely unrelated to what I've just wrote about but unbelievably related to my here and now.  I'm continually in awe of how God works.  It's amazing how He puts you at a place in your life where He begins His work, stirs it up and little by little adding things such as a bible study or people or even comments on Facebook and other social media sites, to continue to open your eyes and challenge you in a new way.  A way that opens you up for so much more than you could have imagined.  A way that allows you to see things as maybe He would.  All in a way that only He can do!

I'm not saying that I shouldn't be passionate about some of the things that I've expressed these days.  I feel there are important issues at hand and I take my responsibilities very seriously; however, I choose to look outside of myself into the bigger picture and realize that there are more important things to spend my time and efforts on. Jesus says we need to love our neighbors.  That doesn't mean to love them only when they love me back, or have the same religious views, or have the same political views, or have the same color of skin, or sin different than I do.  My passion is being driven in a different direction and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Jesus loves me... and he loves you, too! 

Oh my gosh, I'm beside myself.

I'm ready Lord.  Change me.

~The Nudge~

As I went through one of the toughest seasons of my life, one thing remained certain.  It was the fact that God knew what I was going through.  He already had it in his perfect plans for me to experience what I was to experience and in the manner that I did.  He wanted me to learn what it meant to lean on Him completely, even when I didn't know how to.  Even when I doubted.

At times, I felt completely alone.  I wasn't.

Not only was He there guiding me every step of the way, he placed people, songs, scriptures, conversations, bible studies and other random 'messages' to play for me.  Some of the messages were more subtle while others were like the proverbial 4x4 wooden plank being placed just perfectly across my backside giving me a distinct HOP in my step (if you know me at all, you know how stubborn and sometimes dense I can be!).  The important thing here is that I GOT IT.  I heard Him.  I listened to Him.  I learned to SEEK His will for my life.  One of the ways I learned was by reading random blogs and posts on the internet that were incredibly profound from other hurting and lost people, and I wanted to make sure that when I had the honor to give back, and when the timing was right, I would do it.  I believed that God wouldn't waste my pain.  I just didn't know when He wanted me to tell my story.  Afterall, it's HIS story.

I attended my church's kick off event of the women's bible studies for the fall, which was also a Women Of Faith simulcast with Sheila Walsh and Lisa Harper.  I also spoke with a dear friend beforehand.  This friend and I are more like a kindred spirit.  I've known her since high school and looked up to her.  We inadvertently walked through the pits together but separately.  We talked about how when going through the pit of failure, looking at yourself and feeling incredibly shameful in them, and then looking back, being transparent when sharing our stories to help others, how God in turn uses our dirty, beat up and rugged selves and turns our stories into something more beautiful than anyone could have ever imagined.   Sitting in the simulcast, It was said that "brokenness is a blessing.  It is intended to transform us, remind us who our enemy is, and remind us who our Amazing God IS"!  I felt it.  I felt the lesson but more importantly, I felt the nudge.  The same nudge that I have become acutely aware of over the years.  I believe in God's timing and I know that when He wanted to use me and my story, He would let me know.

It's time.

It's time to let you all in on some of the lessons that I learned, how I learned them and why they are so important to me in who I am today.  The things that I post on my social media websites are there for a reason.  My life is NOTHING without Jesus and I'm here to tell you just how REAL He is to me and why I will stop at nothing to help others when there is NO ONE but you and Jesus and the wild world of the internet.  My life was saved by the few who stood by me and the ways God was able to communicate to me.

My exit from the fire service was not exactly as I told people it was and I worked hard to give people an explanation without actually saying why I really left.  It is here that my story picks up and where I have left it for years.  It was during this time that I was at my lowest of lows, where I saw suicide as an option.  Luckily for me, it was just a thought.  Nothing more.  I will share my story because it's time.

~New(er) Technologies~

Going to school and juggling studies in multiple different places with flash drives, email, and other means of saving my research and information to continue to work on later, proved to be a frustrating and difficult means of production.

I toted my (huge) laptop around in a (huge) rolling briefcase type roller bag that ended up being cumbersome at best, in order to keep up with my homework and research papers and the like.

I broke down and bought an iPad, but I did it in a really cool and convenient way.

Scottsdale Healthcare has a program that after being employed for a year, based on your gross pay, you can purchase items through them without interest and pay for it through payroll deduction over a year. It proved to be an option that we felt we could handle so we did it.  I have to say, it's been one of the best purchases, ever.

Yesterday Josh let me go find a keyboard/case so that I can type (I'm WAY faster at typing than the 'hunt and peck' method) and it's been the second best purchase, ever.  I'm currently in Apple heaven.

This begs a propositional question, I'm up for an renewal of my phone. iPhone or Samsung III... that is the question.

What are your thoughts?


 

~Summer School~

Most of you have heard me stressing out or posting random blurbs during my summer school adventure and I wanted to kind of explain myself a little... maybe you would understand why I am so STINKIN' HAPPY that I survived!!

About my summer school adventure...

I have never taken summer school before. Ever.  Being a newbie, I scheduled a normal load of classes, in the shorter amount of time, without even considering any other reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea.  I thought it was what I should do and wanted to take full advantage of moving my schedule around and having Monday through Thursday off to do it all.  I took a math class (for 5 weeks), anatomy and physiology (for 8 weeks) and a pharmacology class (for 8 weeks).  When I started, it seemed doable... until my biology class took ALL of my time to do.  I was so frustrated with myself because my other 2 classes were on the back burner, and all I could do is stay in the game.  I did ok in my math, not as good as I could have, and my pharmacology mid term was a whopping 66%.  Thankfully I had like a 99.6% going into the mid-term. 

After the first 5 weeks, my math class finished and my chemistry class started (another 5 week class).  I found that while trying to juggle a new class and facing finals in my 2 other classes, all I could focus on was staying above the grade in bio and worry about chemistry later.  I considered dropping it but decided that I wasn't a failure and that to me was taking the easy way out. Then my first chem test score was a 68%!!  Unfortunately, at this point, I could no longer drop the class without paying for it as well.  I had no time to study anything other than my biology and certainly had no time for the chemistry class. 


Today is a good day!  I just received my biology final grade and was pleasantly surprised that I maintained my grade.  Well, I struggled at first and brought it up but thankfully, it didn't drop any further after the middle of the semester.

I'm happy to say that all in all, my math, pharmacology, and A&P classes all have B's, and I'm currently at an A in chemistry!

Hard work and perseverance (as well as an incredibly supportive husband and family) REALLY pays off!!
  
Note to self: Never, ever, ever, EVER take summer classes like that, AGAIN!!